Routine, Routine, Routine by Guest Blogger Susan Kassler-Taub, MSW, LCSW

Routine, Routine, Routine

By Susan Kassler-Taub, MSW, LCSW

Walk into a good nursery school classroom and look around. What do you see? Carefully labeled cubbies with everything in its place. A posted schedule of the day’s activities, which always stays the same, each and every day. A clear set of expectations of behavior. Everything scaled down to fit the young child’s size. In short, predictability, predictability, predictability.

Young children love and crave predictability. They want to watch the same DVD over and over, hear the same story night after night (and don’t you dare skip a word!) eat PB&J, cut only in triangles, every day for lunch.

As parents we can use the child’s need for predictability to make their life and our lives run more smoothly. We can improve the climate in our homes during the morning rush, mealtimes, naptime, bath and bedtime by sticking to a routine. 

In most households, the scene in the morning can be a hectic dashing about combined with cajoling children to brush their teeth, put on their shoes, etc. Capitalize on your young child’s love of predictability to set up a morning routine in your household. Some ideas for a morning routine: lay out your child’s clothes the night before, placing them on the floor of the bedroom in what I call a “scarecrow” pattern, so that in the morning your child can just “slide” into the clothing. Set the routine so that as soon as the child is up they “slide “ into their clothes, then immediately take care of toileting and washing up. Tell your young child that all of those things are always (note the always) done before anyone in the family heads down the stairs. This will eliminate the problem parents often complain of: how to convince their child to get ready once they’ve already gone downstairs and begun to play or watch TV. Once downstairs, have all necessary tasks accomplished before play or TV time: eating breakfast, placing the backpack at the door, shoes on and tied, etc. Then your child is free to play until it is time to leave, and hopefully you will have a few minutes for that well deserved cup of coffee!

Think of the same style of routine when working on having a calmer naptime and bedtime. Remember, for the young child, doing the same things in the same order is the key to your capitalizing on their love of predictability. You can even make a picture chart of the evening and morning activities in the order they are to happen; just like one you might find in that good nursery school classroom we talked about earlier. In the evening, quiet activities, not rough housing should precede the beginning of the evening routine. Then on to washing up, toileting, bath and story, always the same, in the same order, every night. Again, remember the nursery teacher, she has made the routine predictable, and the children in the classroom know what is next and expect it to happen in that order.

Part of routine for many young children is that favorite blanket or stuffed animal. In my years of practice I have seen every version of this “lovey” from the barely intact baby blanket to the well-loved and nearly bald stuffed animal; I even knew one child whose special object was a yellow plastic screwdriver! These objects provide comfort and predictability for young children, and are a wonderful way to help a child feel safe and secure. When a baby is an infant, we can help them develop an attachment to that favorite (infant safe) object by holding it with them and us when they are feeding, seeking comfort, or sleeping. The child will then naturally want that object as part of their routine, and it can provide a transition between the child with the parent present and the child without the parent present when the child is falling asleep, or with a sitter. Parents often ask me if their child will become too attached to an object and need it forever – I assure them that the child will leave the object behind when they are ready, and I’ve never seen anyone walk down the aisle at their wedding with their baby blanket dragging behind them!

So, develop routines with your child, stick to them, and then enjoy all the time and energy you have freed up to explore, learn and play with together.

Susan Kassler-Taub, MSW, LCSW 
Psychotherapy: children, adults, couples 
330 North Harrison Street - Suite 6 
Princeton, NJ 08540 
609-921-1994 

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